Colossians 3:12-17
"Put on then, as God's beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."
What could this be more applicable to than marriage? It is fitting that direct marriage follows IMMEDIATELY after this section of verses. Yes it is advice given to the body of the Colossian church in how to live together realistically, even with conflict as a consideration and in dealing with conflicts, with one overarching goal and that of pleasing Christ. But it seems like there an subtle hint for marriages. As though Paul is saying to the church, "act like this toward each other within the church. Oh and by the way, HINT, HINT you married couples!" I mean, where else is there found a relationship closer in proximity within the church than in marriage? True this applies to friendships, to the workplace, to ministries. But this is most applicable, I would say, in terms of frequency and life duration within the context of marriage. This established, we can dive into marriage application.
"Put on then, as God's chosen ones..." Marriage as Christians is and must be wholly divergent from marriage in the world. Why? Primarily, because we are both God's chosen ones! And therefore we should have a growing consistent recognition of this toward each other and of esteeming of each other as chosen ones. What are the opposing characteristics of these? Blame, negativity, a critical attitude, finding fault, selfishness, demanding and expecting unending pleasure from the other without any responsibility or effort from us, ungratefulness, complaining, lack of contentment, all of which stem from the root of pride. These are our natural inclinations, to demand that the other serve us. This is not the result of highly esteeming the other person as God's beloved chosen in Christ. If I am harsh with a child for whom Christ died, am I not being harsh against God Himself? If I am nitpicking at and exposing that persons faults and shortcomings, getting irritated by them, what more am I doing than criticizing the Lord who made them and gave the me stewardship of their eternal soul? Should we not be more desirous that their name be honored and therefore weaknesses be overlooked and perhaps if anything is to be done with them, to very simply help strengthen them? Where the world says to expose them for the sake of fun, Christ says to forgive, show kindness, compassion and humility. This means primarily that we NOT expose their weaknesses and make sport of them but that we attempt to help them cover and minimize their weaknesses not with deceit or an attempt to pretend they don't exist. But our weaknesses don't and should not define us or our identity. Our identity is in Christ. Therefore we should be all the more apt to help them to see Him rather than their own shortcomings. Help them to accept their weaknesses, even to glory in them because Christ is greater and His power is perfected in weakness. Let it never be said that Christians shame each other over their weaknesses. The only attention I say we should give to these is to help each other shore them up for the sake of service to Christ and to be all the more useful to him. Any other motive to strengthen our weaknesses is probably an attempt to make us feel better about ourselves, which is still rooted in pride, or to gain some worldly thing detached from Christ, which is greed or self indulgence. Not that desires for things in this world are inherently bad but they are made bad by their disconnection from Christ and His glory and the building up of His Kingdom. All desires are purified when aimed at him. So then "chosen ones" is how we are to start with them. Their identity is this. Therefore, be this way toward them. What way? By "putting on compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other...and above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony." This is how we should treat each other in light of their chosen status of God. This flies in the face of treating them well because they are inherently good deserve it! THEY are not the basis for good treatment, God is the basis and is Himself worthy and thus determines their own worthiness. His work on the cross makes us worthy of this high esteeming. It's nothing that we have done, nothing that we deserve. I myself do not inherently deserve respect or sacrificial love from any person. But since Christ has bought me and redeemed me, if another loves Christ they will live those He loves. Therefore any fervent expression of love toward me is unto Christ and this is grand! Why? Because it removes pride from me demanding anything from another. It doesn't remove our value. The world says treat people as they deserve. Well that subjects our treatment of them to what THEY have done or are doing for US. Christ says to treat people as HE deserves, which is the utmost respect, honor and love, regardless of their works. From the most well to do down to the most base, skillless believer in our midst who has little achievements to admire, few lovely characteristics, and the worldly status of a worm. Even him are we to esteem and value highly in Christ for He died as much for him as for greatest achiever and we are all no more worthy to be saved than another. Let's get back to marriage. How does this apply? By first esteeming and then treating. A husband must esteem his wife as God's chosen one, made holy and His beloved by God Himself, though NOT PERFECTED. When she is acting less than Christlike, love her. When she seems cold and distant, serve her. These are nice marriage buzz words but what do they mean really? How do I love her? I desire and decide to show her love but then we have an argument about money and I need her to simply consent. What principle should apply here? Forgive each other. Forgive her even when she's wrong or even when she's right but wrong in heart and demeanor toward me. The next section below this tells husbands to not be harsh with their wives. I say that there is a way, an easy ditch we can fall into in our pursuit of godliness and that is in having harsh demands. We see the standard of our Lord, fervently aspire toward his holiness and see the commitment, the struggle, the discipline, the strenuous effort it requires and we resolve to pursue this. Then perhaps we come home and find our Christian spouse seemingly disconnected from the Lord entirely, absorbed by random things like a funny video or a new video game or the most popular mommy topic or the current big workout regimen. And you think, "but what of Christ and lost souls?!" And suddenly your patience immediately vanishes and you blow up in a most devilish way toward the one for whom Christ died. You think, "how can you be so preoccupied with these meaningless things when there is so much work to do in becoming like Christ and in knowing Him more fully and in spreading His Gospel for the sake of lost souls going to hell?!" I say this must be the first test of a man or woman committed to being like Christ. Patience toward those less zealous! How does a man or woman fervent in zealous love toward pursuing the things of God and serving the world in His name, deal well with other Christians who are much more lukewarm, less zealous, more consumed by temporal things and not come off as harsh, critical or "judgmental"? How this tries their patience! How even more difficult this is when one is married to the other! And yet God has given them His instructions. Be patient with them. Love them and encourage them. Do not be harsh with them! Also wives do not be harsh with your husbands if this is their struggle. I suggest the answer is in the middle of this passage. "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts." Do not become a Pharisee toward your spouse's sanctification. Encourage his or her growth by fervent prayer, by open discussions and scripture reading and by mutual worship of Christ together. Own it yourself not by criticizing her but by serving her, sacrificially leading her with all humility, discipline and love. If all of marriage boils down to one thing what is it? A mutual worship of Christ and of helping each other grow in their likeness of Him and service to Him.
